by Veronica Louis
Today I turn 31.
Being 30 was a lot about embracing change. At the beginning of the year I was teaching English, in the summer I was writing, by the end of the year I was working full-time at a radio station.
The year started off strong with the clear goal to write a book about being 30. As I neared completing the novel, something went awry within and I lost myself. The ground caved below me and I was swallowed whole.
Truth be told, I was propelled into that dark place when I discovered that I did not get that “dream” writing job I was working towards. Perhaps my confidence took a hit and that everything-is-going-to-be-alright feeling was too faint for me to emerge from my drab disposition.
As usual I found solace in meditation. And with this refound anchor, I pushed through to finish the final chapters of the book. With the rough draft complete, I sighed in relief. Out of the hole, into the light, I felt grounded with a fresh take on life.
I wonder how many times I will keep on relearning the same life lessons.
Life cannot always go the way I want it. I will have my ups and I will have my downs. How I choose to internalize external circumstances is pretty much the only thing I can control. Deep down, I always know this, but once in a while I need to be reminded.
I am who I am right now at this very moment. Delusions of grandeur might be harmless, but they are not real. I am better off spending my energy on making every day count, instead of living in a made-up fantasy of what-can-be.
When I was 8, I almost drowned. At 21, I had an irrational notion that it would be my last birthday. 10 and 23 years down the line and I’m still here. There are no more excuses. No matter how we look at it, we’re all dying. And living, and I mean really living (stripped of fear and excuses), is what we should be doing before then.
The great thing is, it’s never too late.
Perhaps Descartes had it wrong. “Cogito ergo sum” should really be “I live therefore I am.”
My song of the year: David Bowie’s Space Oddity